The ‘Five Love languages’ by Gary Chapman; this is a brand new premise for me but it got me thinking about how I receive love, but also how I show love.
A few months ago, whilst wondering single life alone, I came across a video of Pastor Rich Wilkerson Jr. on Steve Harvey’s chat show — he was describing how he loves his wife and how she loves him.
Essentially the book explains that everyone receives love in five different categories:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Pastor Rich explains it better in this short video:
So as it transpires, he was originally loving his wife the way he wanted to be loved, not how she best ‘receives’ love…
Now, there’s a lot of people calling this out to be bullshit but I definitely see some truth in this, especially when I look back at previous relationships and the failings within them.
How do I receive love?
I’m a soppy old goat at my core — I take after my dad in that respect.
It’s also right to assume that I receive love in the same way I give it, as this is my way of conveying my feelings. So let’s try and discount the ones which I don’t think hold the same amount of power as the others.
I love words; although nowhere near a master I hold a lot of respect for those who can put them to good use, I also know how they can be used frivolously. I think that’s why ‘Words of Affirmation‘ don’t rank highly for me when it comes to love. I’ve heard enough throwaway terms to last me a lifetime.
Now, since I was in my teens I’ve had to fend for myself to varying degrees and look after myself. I’m not overly accustom to others doing tasks for me so without a doubt I appreciate it when it happens. ‘Acts of Service‘ however isn’t something I give, as I’ve been so used to looking after myself it’s not something I give to show my love and so in turn, isn’t something I associate with it either.
This next one is turned on its head somewhat as I’m not a huge fan of receiving gifts, I don’t associate this with love. I do love giving gifts I feel that it’s more of a materialistic value (which is fine), that isn’t me.
Three down, two to go…
This is where it starts to get interesting. I think for a guy, I’m all for physical touch; not outlandish PDAs but little things like a hand hold, a small squeeze or an arm around me give me a feeling of safety and comfort. That’s what makes me feel at ease and that’s how I want others to feel thus one of the ways I show my love.
This in turn, goes hand in hand (pardon the pun) with the last of the five love languages; I find that there’s nothing better than quality time. Building memories with that someone, so much so that you’ve got enough to fill a scrapbook with and then some.